My human died, I am old, well I don’t think I am old but some call me a senior, so I guess that means I am old. When my human died my world turned upside down. Does anyone truly understand the bond a girl like me had with her old world? I went from my safe calm environment to a shelter. The shelter was extremely stimulating in all the wrong ways. My daughter was with me but she did not understand what I was going thru. I was slowly going crazy inside. I did not shut down as some dogs do. I became hyper stimulated. Finally a Rescue Group pulled me into a Foster home. I was hoping for a connection. I was hoping for someone to bond with and allow the demons to leave while I looked in their eyes. The foster home was not much better. They were well intention-ed but I was an afterthought in their life. They fed me and put a roof over my head and saved me from the grim reaper but I needed more. I needed this growing disease in me to stop taking over. I was so revved up from my life changes and the shelter that it was very hard for me to find outlets to release energy. I was overly stimulated 24 hours a day. They would let me out in the back yard from time to time and the neighbor dogs would be on the other side of the fence taunting me. I couldn’t handle it. I was going crazy inside I had to react or I would explode. I began to bark and when there was no relief I would scream. My foster home had dogs they loved. Dogs who looked in their eyes and I felt the love all the way across the room where I watched. Would I ever have this again? My daughter and I were there so long. I thought I was going to die of a broken heart and broken spirit while this anxiety took me over. My daughter was more resilient. We were from similar roots and environment but she was weathering this storm better. It was so hard when I lashed out at her. Everything and anything made me react badly. Eventually we were transported on a long journey to another Foster home. I was hoping against all hope that there would be a set of eyes for me to focus on. I needed relief so bad. I felt the love in the new home. I smelled good smells and there were other dogs more like my daughter and I. There was a feeling of hope and promise there. I was still struggling. I could not shake the demons that were inside me. I was not making the one on one connection I was longing for. I was being labeled as a very annoying troublesome dog. I would hear things like “I know why the previous foster wanted her gone, she disrupts the entire household”. No one knew I was sad and heartbroken and everything had me so over stimulated that I was beginning to lose myself. I was beginning to forget my past and who I really was. I wanted to be free and hoped every day for a chance to run away. If I could run fast enough I could leave this world behind and find my human who left me. My foster was getting better and better at keeping me confined which was not helping the feeling that I wanted to explode. My head was hurting all the time. Now I sit here in the crazy moment with no relief and losing my mind. This is no fault of the humans who have tried to help. This is because I am a dog and I cannot tell you my plight. This is because many dogs move thru the system seemingly very well with minimum effort. It has been many months since I lost the safety and security of my old home. I am emotionally unwell and I need help to get past it. Time does not heal that which ails me. I need the bond and security that comes from looking into the eyes of a human who cares to heal my spirit. My name is XXXXX and I am a senior and I am asking, no begging for someone to help me find my peace.
© Ciera Reflections
